My 100.
Earlier this week marked my 100th therapy session with my amazing therapist, Elizabeth. She’s seen me at my worst, and she’s now starting to see me at my best. It’s taken me 100 sessions over three and a half years to get here.
“Am I finished?” you might ask.
Nope, I’ll never truly ‘finish’ therapy. There is no healed, final version of me. What would that even mean—that I’ll never feel self-doubt or struggle with confidence? The very idea seems unrealistic.
I’ve come to realize there’s no destination where working on myself will end. Therapy, for me, isn’t a linear journey; it’s a continuous process of learning and growing. Some weeks, I’m up. Some weeks, I’m down. And in most sessions, I’m uncovering something new.
There is no one size fits all. We are all shaped by our experiences and our environments. Which lead to behaviors and beliefs. And if those aren’t supportive and loving – well, then we end up in therapy at some point.
I want to be the best version of myself. For my family, my friends, my clients, my community. And I could not do that without releasing some of the self judgment and shame, beliefs around belonging, and deserving of things … that had a hold on me.
To the outside world. I probably seemed ok. I didn’t talk much about my early years because I could distract you with my lovely home, and my amazing family, our business and the work I do. But inside, I was dying a little each day. With a lack of belief in myself, not knowing how or why I was successful, and really not believing I deserved it.
I have jumped my socio-economic status a few times … from where I was as a young person to where I am today. And those jumps were hard. Not on the outside, but on the inside. Again, I can distract you with the outer things so that the inner things are never spoken of.
Therapy has taught me to bet on myself. To trust myself. And that I have agency. With my thoughts, my actions, and my behaviors. This life I live is mine.
It’s easy to think that the inner work could somehow be put aside, or that one day I’d wake up and all the doubts, shame, and old beliefs would have magically disappeared. But therapy doesn’t give you a clean slate; it gives you the tools to rewrite your story on that slate every day. It’s helped me peel back layers I didn’t even know I was carrying, and in doing so, it’s given me a way forward that doesn’t hinge on perfection but on acceptance. Of myself. Just as I am. (Very Mark Darcy).
I’ve learned that I’m allowed to hold both success and struggle, and to be proud of what I’ve survived and accomplished, while acknowledging the difficulties I had to get here. Therapy isn’t about fixing myself; it’s about understanding and nurturing myself, with all the weirdness, fears, and strengths that make me who I am. And that includes the days where I still feel like I don’t belong, like I’m not enough, and the days where I know I am deserving of every bit of joy and fulfillment in my life.
This milestone, this ‘100,’ isn’t a finish line—it’s a reminder of how far I’ve come and how much further I can go. Therapy has given me a foundation, but the growth from here is up to me. I’m no longer living in survival mode or for others’ approval, or to meet an ideal I don’t even believe in. I’m living for a version of myself that I’m finally proud to know and in time, to love.
In the end, therapy isn’t about the destination; it’s about building a life that feels like my own, day by day. It’s about walking out of each session a little bit freer, carrying a little less weight, and choosing, again and again, to show up for myself and the life I’m creating.
If you’ve been putting off your own journey, know that there’s no ‘perfect time’ to start. Whether it’s therapy, connecting with someone who understands, or taking just one small action toward change, give yourself that gift.
Begin where you are, as you are.
Your journey is yours, and it’s waiting for you to start walking it.